The Wellings come to town

This was forever ago.. but i just unloaded my camera to my computer and found these pictures from July when my mom and dad were here. We rented a Duffy boat in the Newport Harbor and had a grand ole' time. Look how happy my dad is.. :)

"Goggle" blast from the past..

There have been many times I have googled other people.. such as guys I was dating before Brad, etc. I especially "googled" Brad before we got married, you never know the person until you have "googled" them. So the other day I was bored and "googled" myself. I was amazing to find this little gem from my childhood. Go ahead.. make fun of me, I was a little pageant girl! 

Slight Obsession

So I have a slight obsession with succulents, lucky for me I get to live in a place where they can survive. Since we live in an apartment I had to create my own succulent garden that hopefully someday I can grow in an actual garden. For now we have this cute pot. 

Utah Trip

For conference weekend we went up to Utah to see my parents and to go to Brad's missionary reunion. It was so great to see my family and feel like me again. Sometimes you just need to be around family to get a jumpstart on life. Its been two months since my miscarriage and I'm doing a lot better. I still have my moments here and there, but I'm staying positive. :) Thank you for all your messages and prayers.

Here are some fun pictures from the weekend.



An enormous squash in Brigham City, Utah


President Clark and Sister Clark - Brad's mission president

I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.

So almost a month later since my miscarriage and I hope things start looking up. Its been so hard lately hearing of other friends pregnancies and them not even knowing what you are going through. I want to be happy for them, but I'm just dying inside, mostly because it would be so much fun being due right around the same time, and that our kids could be friends. So many mixed feelings right now, jealousy, upset, sadness, lonely, none that you should feel when you find out your friends are pregnant. I keep having to tell myself everything happens for a reason.. but sometimes its just hard.

I am so blessed for the people who have been keeping us in their prayers, I know many people don't know, but for those that do it has helped. Just knowing that people have you in their thoughts is sometimes all you need. Its so crazy how everything happened, Heavenly Father has definitely been with me through the whole experience. I received many priesthood blessings and luckily didn't have to go through too much pain. For that I am grateful and blessed. I have to just keep reminding myself, it will all be worth it in the end. When the days comes that I get to hold our little baby in our hands.

Good news sometimes ends badly...

Hey Friends,
I hope I can write this without sounding depressed, crazy, a debbie downer, or that I want sympathy. I just want to get this experience out in writing in hopes that it will help me heal. I also think this happens to so many women, and they feel like they can't talk to anyone about it. It seems like a forbidden topic to talk about. So I'm going to write it out. Also this way, I won't have to explain it to everyone or have to talk about it anymore. :)

Two weeks ago Brad and I received wonderful news that we were pregnant. We were so excited, but something deep down in me was a little resistant, almost scared. I could never really get my finger on it, I had been wanting a baby so bad, and now that it had happened it just wasn't what I had thought I would feel when I received the great news. I now know that someone upstairs was preparing me for what was to come.

I went in to see the doctor and found out I was 8 weeks pregnant, it was crazy because I hadn't even felt sick. Everyone said I was one of the lucky ones! I asked the doctor if I could get an ultrasound just to be sure everything was ok. Sure enough, there was a very healthy heartbeat. It was all happening so fast, but once I saw the heartbeat I started to get really excited.

The following week we were going on vacation up to Shasta Lake for the Arave family vacation. I wanted to tell my mom and sisters right away, since I would be gone for a whole week. Still hesitant about telling people, but I couldn't keep a secret for much longer. We of course spilled the news to Brads family also, after all if I wasn't wakeboarding the whole trip, they would know something was up. Everyone was so excited for us, and it was finally becoming a reality.

Once we were back home I had a doctors apt set up for Monday. Brad wasn't planning on coming since we had both just missed a lot of work, but something had told him that he needed to be there. The doctor came in and was awesome, she started the ultrasound and started to sound concerned. Something inside of me told me everything would be okay, sadly at the moment it didn't feel like it. She said there was no heartbeat, i kinda went numb for a bit and didn't realize what was happening. She started talking about a lot of stuff that I wasn't expecting to hear, then she hugged me. I then realized what was going on, I had lost the baby that I was so excited for. Brad immediately got up and started rubbing my back. The nurse was seriously an angel, she was so kind and comforting, I was so grateful for her and the way she handle it. She gave us a few seconds together and then took some blood work. She offered to have me come in the next day and do another test, but I didn't want to get my hopes up, something inside me knew it was over.

I think the worst part of this experience is having to tell those that were so excited for you that you lost a baby. I know this seems to happen all the time, but being 27 and having this happen on your first baby when all your other friends are getting pregnant and have babies is killing me. I am grateful that I really have only had two weeks to get excited about this baby, and that the hesitant feeling I had in the beginning was probably a blessing. I know everything happens for a reason and that something had to be seriously wrong with the baby in order for this to happen, and I am grateful for that. I'm also so grateful for a wonderful husband that will stay up all night with you and rub your back until you stop crying and fall asleep. He has been an amazing rock and I couldn't do this without him. I know I will be okay, and this will hopefully pass through soon, and I will be a mom someday, just not today.

We got new bikes!

As you probably know our old bikes got stolen awhile back at our old apartment, it was a very sad sad day. So we splurged a bit and got new bikes! We love them, its so fun to ride down to the beach in style again.