Slight Obsession

So I have a slight obsession with succulents, lucky for me I get to live in a place where they can survive. Since we live in an apartment I had to create my own succulent garden that hopefully someday I can grow in an actual garden. For now we have this cute pot. 

Utah Trip

For conference weekend we went up to Utah to see my parents and to go to Brad's missionary reunion. It was so great to see my family and feel like me again. Sometimes you just need to be around family to get a jumpstart on life. Its been two months since my miscarriage and I'm doing a lot better. I still have my moments here and there, but I'm staying positive. :) Thank you for all your messages and prayers.

Here are some fun pictures from the weekend.



An enormous squash in Brigham City, Utah


President Clark and Sister Clark - Brad's mission president

I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.

So almost a month later since my miscarriage and I hope things start looking up. Its been so hard lately hearing of other friends pregnancies and them not even knowing what you are going through. I want to be happy for them, but I'm just dying inside, mostly because it would be so much fun being due right around the same time, and that our kids could be friends. So many mixed feelings right now, jealousy, upset, sadness, lonely, none that you should feel when you find out your friends are pregnant. I keep having to tell myself everything happens for a reason.. but sometimes its just hard.

I am so blessed for the people who have been keeping us in their prayers, I know many people don't know, but for those that do it has helped. Just knowing that people have you in their thoughts is sometimes all you need. Its so crazy how everything happened, Heavenly Father has definitely been with me through the whole experience. I received many priesthood blessings and luckily didn't have to go through too much pain. For that I am grateful and blessed. I have to just keep reminding myself, it will all be worth it in the end. When the days comes that I get to hold our little baby in our hands.

Good news sometimes ends badly...

Hey Friends,
I hope I can write this without sounding depressed, crazy, a debbie downer, or that I want sympathy. I just want to get this experience out in writing in hopes that it will help me heal. I also think this happens to so many women, and they feel like they can't talk to anyone about it. It seems like a forbidden topic to talk about. So I'm going to write it out. Also this way, I won't have to explain it to everyone or have to talk about it anymore. :)

Two weeks ago Brad and I received wonderful news that we were pregnant. We were so excited, but something deep down in me was a little resistant, almost scared. I could never really get my finger on it, I had been wanting a baby so bad, and now that it had happened it just wasn't what I had thought I would feel when I received the great news. I now know that someone upstairs was preparing me for what was to come.

I went in to see the doctor and found out I was 8 weeks pregnant, it was crazy because I hadn't even felt sick. Everyone said I was one of the lucky ones! I asked the doctor if I could get an ultrasound just to be sure everything was ok. Sure enough, there was a very healthy heartbeat. It was all happening so fast, but once I saw the heartbeat I started to get really excited.

The following week we were going on vacation up to Shasta Lake for the Arave family vacation. I wanted to tell my mom and sisters right away, since I would be gone for a whole week. Still hesitant about telling people, but I couldn't keep a secret for much longer. We of course spilled the news to Brads family also, after all if I wasn't wakeboarding the whole trip, they would know something was up. Everyone was so excited for us, and it was finally becoming a reality.

Once we were back home I had a doctors apt set up for Monday. Brad wasn't planning on coming since we had both just missed a lot of work, but something had told him that he needed to be there. The doctor came in and was awesome, she started the ultrasound and started to sound concerned. Something inside of me told me everything would be okay, sadly at the moment it didn't feel like it. She said there was no heartbeat, i kinda went numb for a bit and didn't realize what was happening. She started talking about a lot of stuff that I wasn't expecting to hear, then she hugged me. I then realized what was going on, I had lost the baby that I was so excited for. Brad immediately got up and started rubbing my back. The nurse was seriously an angel, she was so kind and comforting, I was so grateful for her and the way she handle it. She gave us a few seconds together and then took some blood work. She offered to have me come in the next day and do another test, but I didn't want to get my hopes up, something inside me knew it was over.

I think the worst part of this experience is having to tell those that were so excited for you that you lost a baby. I know this seems to happen all the time, but being 27 and having this happen on your first baby when all your other friends are getting pregnant and have babies is killing me. I am grateful that I really have only had two weeks to get excited about this baby, and that the hesitant feeling I had in the beginning was probably a blessing. I know everything happens for a reason and that something had to be seriously wrong with the baby in order for this to happen, and I am grateful for that. I'm also so grateful for a wonderful husband that will stay up all night with you and rub your back until you stop crying and fall asleep. He has been an amazing rock and I couldn't do this without him. I know I will be okay, and this will hopefully pass through soon, and I will be a mom someday, just not today.

We got new bikes!

As you probably know our old bikes got stolen awhile back at our old apartment, it was a very sad sad day. So we splurged a bit and got new bikes! We love them, its so fun to ride down to the beach in style again.

27 = great already!

I always thought growing up would just get worse every year. Well luckily for me, I feel like things just keep getting better! I woke up in the morning, and Brad and I just sat on the couch for an hour and watched TV, funny to say, but we haven't dont that in a long time, it was so nice. Afterwards I went to my favorite gym class Zumba. When I got home Brad had these lovely things on our bed.
Afterwards we went to the beach and got FRIED, it was such great weather, I think it was just for me! Brad took me shopping after that and I got a super cute skirt, and a new swimsuit. We then met up with friends at our favorite restaurant Alessa Cucina, FABULOUS! It was a great day! Thank you to all who sent their wishes. :)

My favorite birthday text was from my cute nephews in Washington. My sisters comment was "You have no idea how hard it is to get a good picture with these two boys together, but Happy Birthday anyway. We love you!" I love it, it made my day

More Holga Pictures from Argentina

Hey Friends - its been too long since you have heard from me. So I thought i would post these fun treasures I just got developed from my Holga.

I love how this last picture turned out. We blew it up and its hanging on our wall - you will have to come see it someday.

Moving Day

On Valentines Day weekend, instead of spending time being all lovey dovey and romantic, we moved! So fun.. anyone who knows me knows I HATE moving. This time it was especially fun (sarcasm) because it was with Brad. Lets just say I packed a few boxes, and Brad unpacked them to make them "man worthy" after awhile I just stopped packing. Talking to a few friends though, I guess most guys are the same way. So note to self, next time we move.. which is hopefully into a house Brad will be doing all the packing, I will be doing all the unpacking. :)

Of course I still love him, its so fun getting to know each other and what drives the other crazy. Brad has learned to turn on the facet and close the door when he is clipping his nails also. Don't ask me why, but that noise is like a train hitting me! I can't stand it.

So back to our new place.. We got everything moved in, including our 500lb fridge which Brad almost broke his back pushing up the stairs, and come to find out.. it doesn't fit!! So we have it sitting in our dining room, and our dining room table is in our living room. Its still a home though.. we think! Then our shower head was so short, we both had to bend backwards to wash our hair.. that lasted about a week and we went and got a new one. We also are having a lot of cockroaches come say hi. Most the time i'm home by myself and I scream like some one is going to come save me.. and no one does. By the time Brad gets home, they are no where to be found. Super disgusting huh! We are going to get an air raid soon trust me!

Pictures to come.

Sundance Film Festival

Brad and I went with some of our best friends to Park City this year to check out the Sundance Film Festival. Brad and the boys went snowboarding while the girls stayed in and got massages and went shopping of course. We went out on the town and saw a few C or D celebrities.. we can't remember their names so not that big of a deal. It was still such a good time spending time with friends. Here are a few pictures from the weekend.

2010 A-Mazing!

Best New Years Ever!

Every year I always put so much expectation on New Years, you get it so hyped up and then its a huge let down. Well this year was amazing, in every way. Our friends Janelle and Matt drove our from Arizona to celebrate his 30th Birthday. Janelle wanted to surprise him with his first trip to Disneyland, so we joined and let me tell you it was a blast!

The only bummer was that it was literally 30 degrees outside and so it was freezing. Luckily music was pumping throughout the park so I just danced around to keep warm it was so fun. We got there at 10am and stayed until it closed which was at 2am. Let me tell you, I was beat by the end of the night that the next day I was super sick. I didn't mind one bit though, i danced hard and had a blast!